Romance novels date back to the eighteenth century and are viewed by many women as defining terms of relationships. After all, do they not depict a man and a women living happily ever after? However, all these romance novels follow one classic paradigm, one that many women and even young girls can get sucked into and have their minds warped into believing.
This romantic paradigm starts with a meeting, usually unpleasant, where one party dislikes the other. Then, both parties gradually form a liking towards each other, a courtship (in more formal books) or a hot and heavy romance (in more contemporary books) begin and everything goes great. In most novels, this all takes place over the period of just days, if not less. But then, the happy couple meets a fragmentation before rejoining each other and then, only after breaking apart and reassembling, are they able to live happily ever after. While this certainly makes books more interesting to read, real, healthy relationships do not always work this way, yet young women can get it in their heads that their lives have to follow this similar paradigm.
Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Sandra Brown’s Cajun Cowboy series, and even Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series all follow this pattern. For all those women who have ever read a romance novel, they have become victim to this belief.
This romantic paradigm starts with a meeting, usually unpleasant, where one party dislikes the other. Then, both parties gradually form a liking towards each other, a courtship (in more formal books) or a hot and heavy romance (in more contemporary books) begin and everything goes great. In most novels, this all takes place over the period of just days, if not less. But then, the happy couple meets a fragmentation before rejoining each other and then, only after breaking apart and reassembling, are they able to live happily ever after. While this certainly makes books more interesting to read, real, healthy relationships do not always work this way, yet young women can get it in their heads that their lives have to follow this similar paradigm.
Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Sandra Brown’s Cajun Cowboy series, and even Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series all follow this pattern. For all those women who have ever read a romance novel, they have become victim to this belief.
Jane Austen’s female protagonist in Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth, first meets the male protagonist, Mr. Darcy, and would never consider marrying him. Elizabeth views Mr. Darcy’s antisocial behaviors as rude and prudent, while Mr. Darcy has an honest disliking of dancing and small talk. Later in the story, Mr. Darcy suddenly proposes to Elizabeth and she turns him down, giving him an earful in the process! Yet as the novel goes on, Elizabeth slowly realizes she likes Mr. Darcy, and they live happily ever after.
Sandra Brown’s female protagonist in Tall, Dark, and Cajun—the first book in the Cajun Cowboy series—Rachel, leaves her fiancé after receiving a lower-body toning equipment as gifts, being in a seven-year-long engagement that is not headed anywhere, and learning of his vasectomy. She heads down to Louisiana’s Cajun Country to spend time with distant relatives, and meets the male protagonist, Remy, ex-Army helicopter pilot, with a gorgeous face on one side, and a horrible scar down the other…oh, and Remy’s family has been feuding with Rachel’s family for years. While Rachel has a burning crush on Remy and Remy has a burning crush on Rachel, they’re both bad at showing it, so they think the other one hates them! Until Remy asks Rachel to Feng-Shui his houseboat, and they fall madly in love in the matter of 36 hours, land into a huge fight, don’t see each other for days, and end up married the next week.
Meyer’s Twilight series, follows the same paradigm over the length of four books. Book One, Twilight, they meet, dislike each other, and keep a distance at first. After all the male protagonist, Edward, is a vampire and nobody can know, not even the female protagonist, Bella. However, Bella figures it out on her own and falls in love with Edward. Book Two, New Moon, is when Edward and Bella break up, because Edward is too dangerous for her, so he disappears to parts unknown.
These three very different books, a classic romance, a 90’s-era romantic comedy, and a vampire-human romance, all follow the same predictable story line. Sure, not everyone experiences love at first sight, but women can become convinced that in order for herself to live happily-ever-after with her loved one, she needs a whirlwind romance and then they have to break up before getting back together.
The reality? These are not the healthy traits of a real life romance. In fact, both of these traits can turn into a very unhealthy relationship.
While there are the exceptions to the rule—my parents have been married almost 29 years and were married in less than a year!—according to MSN Living statistics show that dating and getting married in less than two years greatly increases the likelihood of divorce (link).
Regardless of the lightning fast dating process the couples find themselves in, breaking up and getting back together with your ex is not always the best option. According to research by Kansas State University—once again, there is always exceptions to the rule!—couples that break up and get back together do not find themselves in a happy relationship, but in a dissatisfying coupling (http://www.k-state.edu/media/newsreleases/feb12/cyclicalrelationships22012.html). After all, chances are you broke up for a reason the first time around.
Happily ever after? I think not.
The reality? These are not the healthy traits of a real life romance. In fact, both of these traits can turn into a very unhealthy relationship.
While there are the exceptions to the rule—my parents have been married almost 29 years and were married in less than a year!—according to MSN Living statistics show that dating and getting married in less than two years greatly increases the likelihood of divorce (link).
Regardless of the lightning fast dating process the couples find themselves in, breaking up and getting back together with your ex is not always the best option. According to research by Kansas State University—once again, there is always exceptions to the rule!—couples that break up and get back together do not find themselves in a happy relationship, but in a dissatisfying coupling (http://www.k-state.edu/media/newsreleases/feb12/cyclicalrelationships22012.html). After all, chances are you broke up for a reason the first time around.
Happily ever after? I think not.
Let’s admit it: it is fun to read something that focuses on a woman living a good and happy life with the man she loves. And there is no problem with enjoying a few romance novels once in a while; however the way romance novels are written, they follow the paradigm that can devastate a woman’s real life relationship, specifically by encouraging them to get married too quickly and to break up with the one they love before living their life. Change the course of what “happily-ever-after” should mean, read romance books, but beware of how you look at the “perfect” relationship.
Author: Melanie Piggott